He began by telling us that he had done some research on our little guy. This made me feel so good just to hear that someone cared enough to think about us beyond our usual appointment time. Don't get me wrong. We have lots of loving caring doctors in our life right now and could not be more blessed by them. This is just how I felt. Maybe it was just medicine and curiosity that stirred him to pursue further research, but I don't care. There is a huge part of me that just wants an answer. I know it won't change anything. Its that human part of me that just wants to know. There is a very rare syndrome that fits most of the characteristics Cade has. He showed us a picture and a small amount of text written in a very large medical book.
As we continued with the ultrasound, it is always bittersweet for me. I love getting to see Cade. His hands and feet and sweet little face. But then reality sets in. And we have to look at and talk about the "problems" also. As we watched Cade move and kick and saw his heart beating, it was so hard to believe that he is not expected to live. He is very much alive and happy in his little world of safety and water. I just want to keep him there forever. However, I know that is not best for him.
And then comes reality... Dr. Maberry took the usual measurements of his tummy, legs, and head. Everything but his head was measuring exactly as it should be, at 25 weeks gestation. However, his little head is so full of fluid that it is measuring very large. It was 6 weeks ahead of where it should be. This is a concern when it comes to delivery. Although I'll have another c-section, there comes a point when his head size will add additional risks to the delivery. Our very wise and wonderful doctors seem to think that Cade will need to be born much earlier than we had hoped. Instead of a November birthday, we are now looking at a possible October birth. We will know more at our next appointment when we see how much things change in the next few weeks.
This news was very hard to take. I'm not ready. Mainly because I know that the day we meet face to face is the day we have to say goodbye. I hate the thought of having to decide when that day is. Who wants to choose the day their child will probably die?! Besides that, there are things to prepare. I wish I could say we need to prepare the nursery and get the diapers and the little clothes. Unfortunately, our reality is different.
We are trying to hold on to faith. Faith that God can heal Cade and make all our hurts go away while we are looking reality in the face. The reality of what medicine is telling us. We still pray for healing everyday. We continue to believe in God's promises. But know that He does not promise a world free of pain and suffering.
Thank you to everyone who is praying for us. We feel those prayers and know that God is hearing them. Please continue to pray.
7 comments:
Stay strong, my sweet girl! I love you! Your faith is an inspiration....
Mrs. Julia
Craig and Jodee, my heart aches for you. I can not imagine the sadness you must be feeling. I admire your faith and encourage you to keep trustingi in the Lord. He is the only thing that will get ya'll through this difficult time.Our class at Monterey continues to pray for you guys. We miss you!
You know exactly all of my thoughts...and I can not begin to put them into words. Sure hope you, too, are feeling the prayers of those around you who love yall so much. Like I have said before, I wish things were different and that we were not having to walki this journey, but I am blessed to know you and your strength helps carry me through hard times, more than you know. You are one strong individual, JoDee, and I admire you greatly. You are so so loved, and so is that precious baby boy. Let's get together again soon; you just tell me when.
Hi Craig and Jodee- I didn't know ya'll very well when you were in Lubbock, but I'm in bible class at Monterey. There aren't a lot of words to say that are helpful- but I'm praying for you and your sweet baby boy. I pray God wraps you in his arms and gives you peace. God bless!
As I read your post and then looked at the pictures below, my eyes filled with tears. I type with blurry letters because I'm still crying. I haven't seen you in a couple years and lately, you, Craig, and your beautiful girls cross my mind many times a day. My heart breaks while my mind prays to a God who I KNOW can heal your beautiful boy. Stay strong, Craig and JoDee. You guys have been such a blessing to me to be stronger in my faith. I will continue to pray that God's will is done. Thank you for sharing your priceless pictures with us. What a beautiful moment. My love and prayers to you, JoDee, and Craig, Adilyn, and Audrey.
JoDee and Craig,
Your strength, faith, sweetness, and enduring love have given Cade a most wonderful life!
Love and prayers to you and your precious family,
Terry and Bill Grosvenor
I don't know you guys, but I am praying! I stumbled across your blog from another blog and just read Cade's story. You are in wonderful hands with wonderful doctors. I recently moved from the loving Abilene community and know that you have a ton of people praying for you and that sweet boy!
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